by Eric P. Jackson

Keystone March Madness Winner

The dust has settled and a victor has been crowned. No, not UConn...we're talking about the Keystone March Madness Brackets, the annual battle of un-athletic nerds to see who can outwit the twisted TourneyTime.com scoring system. 
This year's winner is Taylor Swift Defender, Hendersonville Alderman, and Vice-Mayor Scott Sprouse, who eeked out a shallow one-point victory and will receive a Google Chromecast (retail value, $35) as his trophy. 
"It's good to finally win something that doesn't involve spending the next day picking up yard signs." said Sprouse. "I count this as a highlight in my legislative career and the biggest win for Hendersonville since Eric Jackson moved to Davidson County."
Since the big 'win,' Sprouse has been under investigation by a local political watchdog group for allegedly 'dissing' the United States Constitution, approving an expenditure by the city government to purchase flowers, accounting for 0.000005% of the city's annual budget, and aggravated mopery on Facebook.