Support Terrorism and Hackers FOR FREE

(AUTHOR'S NOTE:  This post is choc-full of sarcastic goodness. Read with tongue-in-cheek and a good sense of humor.)
 
For a more complete list of WordPress security issues, visit US-CERT.gov
 

If you love terrorists (or those who use terrorists for cover) and/or believe sitting in a communist Chinese Army barrack hacking companies in the United States is a legitimate career, boy-oh-boy do I have a deal for you! 

 
And it doesn't end today! You won't even have to pay $19.95! Yes, you can install and run software - FREE SOFTWARE - that will enable you to have a FREE WEBSITE AND help rogue organizations across the globe earn a living by stealing! 
 
But stealing...that sounds really dirty. It's more like "liberating your wealth and simultaneously teaching you that capitalism is evil during your free time." 
 
So, you're asking yourself, "Self! How can I get in on this action?!"
 
Well, DO NOT DELAY! You should IMMEDIATELY install either Joomla or WordPress
 
See, Joomla and WordPress are open source and have TONS of great features. According to the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation for the uninformed) WordPress is ALWAYS in the process of delivering new features to you (via emergency software patch):
 
Researchers continue to identify WordPress Content Management System (CMS) plug-in vulnerabilities, which could allow malicious actors to take control of an affected system. Some of these vulnerabilities were exploited in the recent Web site defacements noted above. Software patches are available for identified vulnerabilities.
 
Successful exploitation of the vulnerabilities could result in an attacker gaining unauthorized access, bypassing security restrictions, injecting scripts, and stealing cookies from computer systems or network servers. An attacker could install malicious software; manipulate data; or create new accounts with full user privileges for future Web site exploitation.
 
(AUTHOR'S NOTE:  The phrase "malicious actors" is probably NOT referring to Tom Cruise.)
 
Doesn't that sound like a fun hobby for you to tackle!? You - international crime fighting cyber-warrior! You're like John Rambo, but with a keyboard!
 
Just think of the hours of fun you'll have reading government documents, reading updates written by God-knows-who with unknown expertise about how to fend off attack, tracking down software patches to plug-ins, updating WordPress itself, heck...you can even learn a little about the plug-in that stops automatic updates from happening...because that new update might work or it might blow up your little free website! Who really knows!? It'll be just like playing Game of War minus the dragons, minotaurs, and Kate Upton replaced by the Chinese Army and ISIS. Remember, this is free...because your time is of no value, amiright? 
 
But WAIT! There's more! Not to be out-done, Joomla is also constantly delivering new features to help you pass the day! AND IT TOO IS FREE! According to US-CERT (United States Computer Emergency Readiness Team is a part of the US Department of Homeland Security National Cybersecurity and Communications Integration Center - NCCIC). My emphasis below:
 
CMSs are software suites that allow site administrators to easily manage the design, functionality, and operation of websites with minimal technical expertise. In recent years there has been an increase in the number of deployments of CMS software on the Internet. This has been fueled by popular open source projects which are freely available under General Public License (GPL) model. Unfortunately, some CMS web server operators are not following security best practices, exposing them and others to cyber security risks such as compromise and denial of service.
 
Joomla! is one of the most widely used CMSs in the world. It is PHP-based and allows rapid deployment of dynamic content on websites. It is recognized for its simplicity of deployment and usage while offering extensive features and plugins. However, like many other large software packages, Joomla! has been the subject of a number of vulnerabilities in recent years and, if left unpatched, can represent a risk for site owners, and any other Internet users.
 
So come on, people! What are you waiting for!? There are members of the Russian mafia, Chinese Army captains, and ISIS mullahs counting on you to provide them with much needed resources! Remember, IT'S FREE, just like your money and time!