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by Eric P. Jackson

WordPress: A Hot Mess

WordPress is a steaming pile of hot garbage. There, I said it.

It's time, people. Take up this mantle, follow my lead, and speak the truth. WordPress is not good. In fact, it's HORRIBLE. An abomination of software. WordPress is a mediocre blog platform, a worse choice for a website, and an unmitigated disaster for business. It's a damnable, dumpster fire. 

I'm well aware that the WordPress fanboys will be coming out of the woodwork to eviscerate me. It is not possible for me to care less about what these hacks think. Go ahead schmucks, take your best shot. Unfortunately for you, hacking and defacing my website will be difficult because I don't use WordPress.

Let's get down to brass tacks...or in the case of WordPress, hacks.

Updates. And more updates. WordPress will give Microsoft and Adobe a run when it comes to software updates. And hey, who doesn't want to perform an update of unknown quality on their LIVE website? Where's your sense of adventure, buddy? But hey, don't fret:  you have a choice. You can keep the compromised, sloppy, hackable code you have NOW, or install the potentially poisonous upgrade that will blow up all your plug-ins and become hackable in another week or two.

Security? What's that? Again, it cracks me up to hear the land of WordPress misfits speak ill of Microsoft-based for-profit solutions. Spare me, please. WordPress is the Swiss cheese of software. Hardly a week goes by that someone doesn't ask me to help them with their hacked WordPress site. My reaction is always the same:  Quit Your Foolishness. Get away from the problem. Leave. Just pack your bags and leave. Yeah, there are work-arounds. I have a suggestion to the WordPress community: FIX IT. 

But it's Free! Yeah, so is herpes. So is air. Bear attacks are free. You can get hit by a city bus for the total price of zero.

WordPress is free to download, which is when the real costs kick in. If your time is worth nothing, then I guess you have absolutely nothing to lose. Same goes for whatever you're trying to communicate...if that is worthless too, then go for it. You'll spend lots of time working on WordPress instead of working on your website presence. The good news is, you'll never be able to predict when your website will go to hell in a hand-basket, so there is no lack to the adventure you'll enjoy! Just think of the sleepless nights and lost opportunities spent wading through the ever-changing maze of out-dated WordPress code!

But...but...WordPress is good at SEO! Uh, NO, no it most certainly is not. I repeat:  WORDPRESS IS NOT GOOD AT SEO. I'll admit, software like WordPress may help you with SEO. But software itself is only a tool. It's your content that really matters. The people who have great SEO success with WordPress did it because they worked hard...not because WordPress performed some sort of magic. And it's certainly not because WordPress generates good code.

Plug-In Madness. You remember the guy from high school who drove the hooptie car and accessorized it with all sorts of plastic junk he bought at Auto Zone? Air fresheners to cover up the fact that raccoons sleep in it at night, spinner hub-caps, adhesive-applied fender vents that lead to nowhere, maybe even a Kraco 8-track? Yeah, that's WordPress. Real software incorporates the essentials so you don't have to manage a plethora of third-party garbage. Not WordPress! YOU get to manage it and pray that the latest update you're about to install doesn't blow it to hell. The guy driving the hooptie HAD to think his car was great because that's all he could get. You can do better and you know it. 

Design Hell. Want a cookie-cutter template to cover up the jacked-up WordPress code? You'd better hope you find the one that fits your needs exactly. If not, you're stuck tweaking code or paying someone to do it for you. Or you could just do it right the first time. If your website isn't important to you...go ahead and compromise. We'll understand.

Still excited about using WordPress to build your business website? If you have better things to do with your time, hire a professional, pay to do it right, and get back to the things that make your business money. If you want a frustrating technical hobby, by all means, install WordPress and get to work!

WordPress "People." Having a conversation with a WordPress fanatic is like talking to an alcoholic or a junkie. Think I'm joking? Read this: http://wordpress.org/support/topic/wordpress-total-garbage-cms

"I don't have a problem. I like using. It makes me feel good. Sure my teeth are rotting out of my head and my family won't speak to me...did I mention it's free?"

Put down the WordPress bottle. Get off the junk code. Leave the abusive relationship. Quit WordPress before it kills your website.