69

by Eric P. Jackson

Stop It

There are a few things that have gotten under my skin lately and I just can’t let it slide any longer. Some are technology related; some just common courtesy. Just stop it already.

  1. Stop FAXing. And no, I will NOT send you a FAX. Ring, ring!! 1992 is calling and wants its antiquated business practices back! Most businesses have a scanner and email. I will not FAX you anything and likely will not accept your fax unless held at gunpoint by a Columbian drug lord.
  2. Stop using free email accounts for business. Trust me here…Google, Yahoo, AT&T and Comcast have enough market penetration without YOU advertising THEIR business every time you send an email. Buy a domain and get your own email address. Don’t look like a hobo running a business.
  3. While we’re on email, stop using an email signature that is bigger than a battleship. You know who you are. If your email signature is longer than the Gettysburg Address, you’re doing it wrong. Yes, the Gettysburg Address was short…for a speech. Trim it.
  4. Stop using two spaces after a period at the end of a sentence. Yes, I know it used to be two. It’s one now. One space. We’ve also moved beyond the IBM Selectric typewriter. Did I mention it is 2011?
  5. Stop spamming me with your unfunny jokes. Unless your joke is spasm inducing funny, don’t send it. You know who you are. I get enough email already. Your joke about the Texas rancher or Little Johnny needs to take a long nap in the spam file.
  6. Stop inviting me to play Farmville. And Mafia Wars. And ___________. I have a successful career that already involves long hours staring at computer monitors. I don’t need another hobby that involves sitting and staring.
  7. Stop refusing to accept credit cards. No, I can’t pay you in chickens or a donkey. Yes, I know it costs you a portion of what you might have received to accept a credit card payment. If that small amount of money is the difference between life and death for your business, your fate is already sealed, my friend.
  8. Stop asking me to read your mind while simultaneously risking my life because you’re too lazy to use your turn signals. If you’re in Tennessee, it’s the “stick coming out of the left side of the steering wheel.” It may have been on the entire time you’ve owned the vehicle. Turn your radio down. Do you hear a clicking sound? Is there an illuminated arrow flashing on your dash? You have a turn signal that has been on for a while. Turn it off and use it any time you change lanes or turn. It’s what adults do.
  9. Stop driving in the left lane, self-appointed traffic cop. There are a lot of bad things in the world and you’re not helping out by forcing others to do the speed limit.
  10. And to the guy who comes roaring up in the right hand lane, angry that he/she can no longer pass:  Stop acting like a punk kid. Don’t you think I’d have already passed Methuselah if it were even remotely possible? Calm down. I seriously doubt you have plans to use the extra thirty seconds you just saved by driving like a blithering imbecile.